Dear 2020

        Basically, this post is just me not letting go of the grudge I have against 2020 (that I’m so convinced almost everyone has too). I’m sorry 2020, you’re not as pretty as pretty number you should be honey. But don’t worry I’m not gonna bad-mouth you, I’m just gonna state FACTS about you, ok. I repeat, NO LIES, ONLY FACTS. Ok here we go. 

        I’m pretty sure 2020 was a tough year for everyone. And it makes everyone tougher individual as well. Beside tough, the best word to describe 2020 is probably acceptance. To me, 2020 was an acceptance year. It’s a year I learned to accept everything that wasn’t in my life plans, you know, the pandemic and everything had to happen all at once. In 2020 I had to experience awful things; I lost my cat, lost my job, and almost lost my house. But at least for some time before all those gruesome events happened, I got to live the ideal life I’ve always dreamed of; being an adult with a steady job, earning some money by myself and of course spending it much more, coping up with my family financial, meeting new people, and visiting new places.

        I thought I survived and left 2019 with all its drama behind, but no, *kalo kata Aceng “surprise motherfucker!” wkwk* 2020 was way more cruel and merciless. 

        I still remember how painful and suffocating it was for me to accept each misfortune that took turn one by one coming to my life. At first, I thought 2020 would be my year. Because after graduating at the end of 2018, a half year working as a part-time teacher, and keeping on applying to many companies for a better opportunity in 2019 to the point I felt mentally exhausted and almost gave up, I finally could get a real job, a full-time and steady job I’d been looking for, and unexpectedly it was my whole-life dream job, in a visa application center company. Yup, my dream job is working at the embassy. Though I didn’t work as embassy staff, I worked under the embassy and still got to visit it almost every week to submit applicants’ visa applications. I was grateful for that opportunity and said to myself that I would never quit that job no matter what difficulty I had to face unless there was a way way better opportunity for me. 

        While I was living my best life working as a visa operations officer, the first misfortune happened: my cat died. I cried for almost a week, even at the office, I hardly focused on my job and kept blaming myself for everything I haven’t done and given to him. I was genuinely very sorry for him. To me, he’s more like a family than only a pet. He’s my son. I took care of him since he was a baby, I did everything I could to make him happy and healthy. Now looking back to that time, I think it’s just the purest feeling I’ve ever had for another creature. That’s why I remarkably felt broken-hearted when I knew he’s gone forever.

        Not long after the first misfortune, the second misfortune came: the pandemic. The rapid spread of the virus made overseas trips prohibited immediately and my job contract had to be ended. It was so frustrating. It brought me back to the fear I had while I was being unemployed for so long.

        Not enough with those two bitter events, I had to experience the last biggest misfortune in 2020 that came to me and my family. So, long story short,  we have our house mortgaged because of some things and people back in 2019. And there was the dun we have to pay every month, and unfortunately, the pandemic happened, my dad was fired, I stopped working, that meant we didn’t have enough money to pay for it. We cried because we didn’t know where to stay and live if we really left the house. So that was the time I felt I couldn’t see anything positively anymore. It was the lowest point I’ve ever been in my life. Plus I already experienced unpleasantness in my life in the previous years before 2020. That’s what made me think that life was so unfair. Why do I have to experience this bitterness all at once? Why when I started to feel like everything would get better, it didn’t, and instead, got worse?

        Looking back to everything I’ve been through these past few years, I feel really proud of myself. The phrase ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger ‘ is true. Now I growl louder than ever. I feel like I have nothing to be afraid of, and it makes me fearless. I’m brave enough to bite back and I don't give a shit to everything that makes me feel unworthy and unwanted. I've had shits thrown at my face, but here I am, writing this blog while laughing at it.

        People say everything happens for a reason. Now that's what I try to say to myself. Though 2020 is cruel and cold, it teaches me to never give up, to always believe in hope, cause that's life, problems will follow you while you're still living this fokin life wkwk and all we have to do is face those problems everytime it comes like a boss-bitch we are, 2020 has made me stronger, and I thank 2020 for that, I'm honored, really, thank you :'''''''''))))))